Fish Bowl Wonderings

Finding Myself in this Life is so very hard. The constant comparison is never-ending, cousins ,neighbours, magazines and movie stars. I see now why sitting on a mountain top or a cabin in the woods would be ideal! But the “I” is stubborn, she wants to fit in and yet wants to go out. Building my path, is the journey of my life. Isn’t the point of being to BE… I agree we are one, a part of the ALL. But I’m not convinced that we are meant to : BE ONE, with all. Is it not that we choose to be a separate, single, in order to experience the whole? To actually know the whole as one… The ocean is one ocean. Call it what you will; Atlantic, Pacific or Indian. It is the same water. It is icy and tropical, stormy and calm! It is all of this at the same time, there is no separation in time. It only Matters where you are looking…

 So many parts make up this life I call “I”… Some of me is reactive, there is no thought before action. It just happens! It’s a response. That might be the actual “I” the pure “ME”, uncensored by my thoughts, not caged by my rules. I’m not sure I dare allow that to be the “I” the world sees moment to moment. She can be abrupt and in your face, its not really ideal. But on the other hand she is also kind, compassionate and cares deeply about the world at large. She says exactly what she means and this can be harsh… or soft. She is also vulnerable and feels immense hurt. She senses lies, deceit and it breaks her hart. Some of me is calculated, ruled by thought. Watching the world around, being protective of the self. Not allowing people in as the risk of pain is more than I can handle. She knows the game, has learnt the moves! Watches, listens.. waits to see. She can be nasty or charming if that’s what she chooses. She seems to know how to handle herself in any situation. Using the a...

The title is actually the reason for me to put this out here… I’m here trying to figure out this LIFE thing, who am I, why am I and what on earth am I supposed to do! The best way I have found to figure things out is for me to say things out loud. Sometimes just the act of expressing my thinking’s is enough for me to see the truth or errors in it.  The act of putting a thought on paper, or keyboard in this case, means I consider it more closely rather than just having a “brain fart”. Naturally it can also confuse me even more but at least its there and I can look at it..  Who really knows anything, I know I don’t!  Ideas and thoughts change with time and experience. With that in mind even if no one else ever sees or reads my words they are here for me to look back on and wonder.  So many wonderfully clever people put out there thoughts on the internet… So perhaps there is a little room for a not so smart nobody like me. I’m not trained in anything at all. I have abso...