The Parts of ME/I/SHE

 So many parts make up this life I call “I”…

Some of me is reactive, there is no thought before action. It just happens! It’s a response. That might be the actual “I” the pure “ME”, uncensored by my thoughts, not caged by my rules. I’m not sure I dare allow that to be the “I” the world sees moment to moment. She can be abrupt and in your face, its not really ideal. But on the other hand she is also kind, compassionate and cares deeply about the world at large. She says exactly what she means and this can be harsh… or soft. She is also vulnerable and feels immense hurt. She senses lies, deceit and it breaks her hart.

Some of me is calculated, ruled by thought. Watching the world around, being protective of the self. Not allowing people in as the risk of pain is more than I can handle. She knows the game, has learnt the moves! Watches, listens.. waits to see. She can be nasty or charming if that’s what she chooses. She seems to know how to handle herself in any situation. Using the accepted social norms. Often , sadly at the cost of self. She does the proper thing, she is the ‘good girl’.

Some of me is lost. Feeling so much, getting lost in the pains of life. Sad and miserable unable to move. Scared to step out into the day. Living in the past unable to shed feelings long gone. Projecting past experience’s into future steps. Finding flaws in every action taken, resulting in no action at all!

Some of me is a child, wild and free. Looking to play and excited to see. Here I am happy. Running and jumping, creative and open, inquisitive and wondering. A scrape on the knee a bruise on the arm. No thought of next year!

Some of me is deep in thought! Looking at every moment, wondering what it means. Considering others thinking’s to see if they give meaning. Searching for answers to questions she hasn’t even asked. She lives in the mind, having no interest in the day to day. On very few occasions, she may reveal herself to another. She wants to know, she likes to understand.

I am all of these and more….